I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
