How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
