Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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