Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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