I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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