Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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