Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
