I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
