my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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