My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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