I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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