I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
