I looked at my own cervix.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
