You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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