as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Buhtt sex?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
