it was like his penis was on wheels.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
