Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
