i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize