just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
