There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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