1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize