Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
