I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
