and my herpes radar will keep us safe
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
