I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
