i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
