Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
