she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
