he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
