That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
