yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
