her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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