Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
