Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize