Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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