you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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