cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
