I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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