I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
