fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
