You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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