from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
