Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
