dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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