lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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