Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
