I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
