just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
