Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just gift wrapped bread.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
