Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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