Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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