o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
