i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
