once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
