Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize