You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
