You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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