I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
