Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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