I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
