Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
