she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize