Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
