Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
