whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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